The List of Requirements for The Oldest, in case you need to know

Last week, I wrote up a list of all the things about my youngest that make me laugh.  That drive me crazy.  That he requires.  That he asks for.  That he needs.  I'll be going through the kids, one at a time, making these lists.  Today is about the oldest.  That kid who's taller than me now.


Just in case I ever make good on those thinly veiled threats to run away....

1) Make sure he always has lots of good pencils and paper.  He gets antsy when he runs low on his drawing supplies.  He likely won't ask for new stuff, so just check periodically if he needs any.

2) When he isn't feeling well, there will be marathons of Dr. Who, Star Wars and Must Love Cats.  There is no rhyme or reason that dictates which marathon will be viewed.  Eventually you'll get used to watching six hours of kittens on tv.  I promise.

3) Buy lots of cans of peas.  He likes cold, canned peas.  It makes me throw up in my mouth a little too.  I know.  He's gross.

4) When you're going to the store, ask him no fewer than three times if he needs any bathroom supplies.  Even then, be prepared for an emergency declaration of the fact that he's out of deodorant the following day.

5) He sings in the shower.  He sings whenever he's in the bathroom.  He sings in the car.  He sings a lot.

6) He's obsessed with his knit beanie hat right now.  If you're ever at the store and see something like it, buy five and stash them for later.

7) His feet grow every 37 days.  I'm convinced of this.

8) He likes to pull out baby teeth.  He's almost out of them. Thank god.

9) He'll ask you for a computer, but be perfectly content with a box of Legos.

10) He has a cell phone, but you shouldn't expect to be able to contact him most of the time.  I'm pretty sure his battery is always dead.  That's his story and he's sticking to it.

11) He flails.  A lot.  He comes by it honestly, though.  I blame myself.

12) It takes him 45 minutes to empty the dishwasher, an hour if you count the obligatory trip to the bathroom.  I swear it has a laxative effect.

13) He will do anything to get out of picking up dog poop.

14) He is adult sized, but will still sit on your lap if you let him.

15) He has a completely grounded, self-deprecating sense of humor.  He is goofy as hell.  He's hilarious and he makes me laugh all the time.

He would still totally do this.

16) He's a really good big brother.  Unless they touch his stuff.  He doesn't like it when they touch his stuff.

17) Every self portrait he's ever drawn has his signature mole.  His Mii on the Nintendo even has a mole.

18) When he was little, he called himself Annie because he couldn't pronounce the letter "d".  It became a nickname and he still answers to it.

19) He asks a million questions and is convinced his mother has all the answers. Start studying.

20) He's a big kid, but a gentle soul.  He's my calm in the storm.  He's mature when he needs to be.  He's thoughtful and kind.  He has a good heart.  Take care of it.