Embracing Our Differences as Women

She expressed frustration at being judged by stay at home moms who criticize her position in life as a working mother, then pointed out that such judgment comes whether a mother works out of necessity, or by choice.

Knowing this woman personally, I was a little blown away that someone would be so critical of her in any way.  She really is amazing.

Then I was immediately reminded of the ugly truth that judgment is everywhere.  That women spend far more time knocking each other down than lifting each other up.  

I was reminded of how terrible women are to one another.  We judge every single thing about each other.  From what we wear, to our relationships, to our career choices, to our parenting, nothing is off limits sometimes it seems.

I could list the things about me that people would say define my position in life.  

I could tell you what kind of mother I am, pigeonholing myself.  

I could tell you the things about me as a woman that other people would use to limit me, to place me in categories, to judge me.  

I won't.

I won't because it doesn't matter.  

There is more than one type of relationship. There are marriages based on love, marriages based on agreement, marriages avoided for as many reasons as there are couples in them, marriages disallowed by arbitrary unfair laws.  It's no one's right to judge those in them, regardless of which incarnation it is or isn't.

There is more than one way to raise a child.  In fact, there are at least as many ways to raise a child as there are children in this world.  If I've learned nothing else from my tenure as a parent, it is this truth: the same thing will not work for each child.  To believe that is even possible is naive and carries tremendous judgment with it.

There is more than one way to happiness.  There is more than one way to live a complete, fulfilling life.  Not every vision of happiness involves the picket fence, husband and 2.1 children.

Not every vision of happiness pans out like we think it will.  Not every fairytale ends the way it is supposed to.

Not every woman wants the fairytale in the first place.

There is more than one type of woman.

A women, we do ourselves no favors by believing that there is one way to do anything properly.  

Which then begs the question of why do we do this?

As I've written about before, I honestly think it's because we are so conditioned by society that there is one perfect version of womanhood - an unattainable and artificial image of perfection that no mortal being can ever compete with.  To compensate for our perceived shortcomings, we feel compelled to find fault in how other women live their lives too.

In doing so, we perpetuate this myth.

If we can't do it right, then they can't either.

What about this, though?

What if we all stopped doing that?

What if we just stopped?

What if we all took a look around at all the women surrounding us everyday, the single women, the married women, the divorced women, the mothers, the childless- whether by choice or not, the stay at home moms, the working moms, the single moms, the overwhelmed new mothers, the empty nesters, the breastfeeders, the formula feeders, the transgendered women, the lesbians, the bisexuals, the women with depression, the women with addictions, the suicide survivors, the career women, the adopting moms, those who gave their children up for adoption, the women who've had abortions, the women who've lost children, the women who've been raped, the women who've been sheltered, the women we believe have perfect lives and the ones we know who don't...what if we took all of them and opened our hearts to them all?  

What if we stopped judging them constantly, and instead said this:

Imagine how amazing the world could be if we worked together, if we encouraged each other, if we supported each other.  If we accepted that it is our differences as women that make us collectively stronger, more capable, more rounded, more able to help one another.  Better.

Imagine.

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