The things you absolutely positively must know about Baby Girl, in case I run away

Here we are, on the last of the four.  I honestly can tell you that there was no rhyme or reason to the order of this.  Up today, my oldest daughter.  Baby Girl.  Stinkerbutt.  Freckles.


She is, by a mile, my most interesting child. She's also easily the quirkiest, so you might want to prepare yourself in case I finally make good on my threat to run away to a deserted island someday and you get tagged to take care of this one.

1) Her required activity level is high. Very high. Sometimes she just needs to go outside and run around in circles. Or do handstands for an hour straight. Or jump on the trampoline for half the day. Let her. It'll save your sanity and hers. Bad weather days can be brutal, so get used to the fact that she'll do some of that stuff in the house purely out of necessity.

This happens.

2) She has the wildest imagination of the kids and will write stories about flying hamsters.

3) She has a completely self deprecating sense of humor and will go out of her way to be goofy if she wants to make you laugh.

This is her stinker face.

4) When you ask her to do chores, she will disappear. If you're smart, you'll catch on to this quickly, and use it whenever you just need a break for a half hour or so.

5) She's a little bit obsessed with green beans. Okay, more than a little bit. Buy more than you think you need.

6) Same goes for cereal. She's the 10 year old female version of Seinfeld.

7) She could hurt herself in a rubber room. She is my most accident prone child. The one with emergency surgeries, stress fractures, the most trips to the ER. Her teeth will cost you a small fortune, and you'd better hope she outgrows her asthma in a hurry. She's not a cheap child to keep alive.

There's a story that goes along with this one. I had to saw the chair apart.

8) She's insanely allergic to mosquitoes. Pick up those bracelet things whenever you see them and make sure you get good at concocting chemical free repellents.

9) She can play video games with her older brother for hours. They will speak in some alternate language that you don't understand, and there will be bizarre dancing and giggling. Feel free to videotape that.

10) She doesn't own clothes. She builds outfits. Most things are sparkly. There is always glitter in the dryer. You'll get used to it.


11) She will whine and cry and complain before every single soccer practice and game. She will come up with a bajillion reasons not to go. Get her dressed and in the car. Once she is there, she loves it. LOVES it.

12) Speaking of soccer, she's back to playing keeper. You can take a chair to the game if you like to carry extra stuff, but you won't be sitting. You'll be pacing the sidelines nervously, watching the game with one eye shut, freaking out the entire time.

Seriously, it sucks.

13) She has enough hair for five people. It's long enough now that she'll ask you to do funky things with it. Practice doing braids.

14) She talks to animals.  I'm pretty sure they understand her, and she seems to understand them.  She's like Dr. Doolittle.  A few months ago, we were at the zoo and walked past the monkeys.  She paused, waved to one of them and said, "Hi Jimmy!".  When we went last week, I had to take a picture of her, her stuffed monkey (also named Jimmy) and the real Jimmy.  (no idea if the monkey even has a name, but she's pretty sure on this one, so just let her have it)

15) She lives in a different world than the rest of us do. She's fascinating, and I ask her all the time what's going on in her head.

16) She loves to go camping, hiking and even backpacking.  She's a rugged chick and can pee standing upright.  She saw her older brother pee on a tree once and decided she could do it too.  It's pretty kickass.


17) She's had a pair of striped socks for over five years, and is eagerly awaiting the year we pick the Addams Family for Halloween. She SO desperately wants to be Wednesday. Because she IS Wednesday.

18) Her room is organized chaos. It makes sense to her. Just let it go.

19) She will quite literally spend all day making videos on the computer. The last one, she was singing with Abraham Lincoln. I don't ask because I don't understand, I just know that it's funny as hell.

She's actually a Jedi.

20) She is my enigma. She is my puzzle. She is both my hardest child to understand and the most fascinating one when you figure it out. She's a vast treasure that you have to work hard to uncover, one tiny piece at a time. Keep digging.