fashion clothes

Usually, I have a decent amount of things to mention in these TTPMOT posts. This week, there is an abundance....so much so that I have taken entire groups of things out to write separate stand alone posts about later on this week.

That much stuff.

Off we go.


Florida's Pro-Murder Assbackwardsness
On my mind more than any other news story this week, the sick and twisted most recent case of a murder of a child in Florida. The fact that most of the major news sites are running it is as the "loud music trial" is prejudicial and just flat wrong. There was a person killed, it was a murder trial, and the victim's name was Jordan Davis.

In the case, a drunk white man with a history of being a bigot pulls into a convenience store parking lot, gets offended that a car full of kids is playing loud "thug" music, somehow becomes afraid for his life even though none of them exits the vehicle, grabs his handgun (that he has a concealed permit for) and unloads 10 rounds into the car, 3 of them when the car was actually fleeing. Yes, he kept shooting after they tried to leave. None of them were armed.

Instead of alerting the authorities, he went back to his hotel room, poured a few more drinks, ordered pizza and took his dog for a walk. Since he has been in jail, the letters he's written to his daughters include things like, “This jail is full of blacks and they all act like thugs.… This may sound a bit radical, but if more people would arm themselves and kill these fucking idiots when they’re threatening you, eventually they may take the hint and change their behavior.”

What in the actual fuck????

He was tried for first degree murder of Jordan and also charged with attempted murder and shooting into a vehicle. The jury hung on the murder charge but convicted on everything else. Logically, I'm not wrapping my head around how he is guilty for shooting and not killing the other three guys in the car, but they couldn't agree he was guilty for shooting and killing the one person he actually killed. 

At least the jury hung and that charge can be retried. He faces up to 60 years as is for the convictions he already received. (That is quite literally the only positive thing I can say about the outcome.)

Florida's asinine "stand your ground" law needs repealed. Kids are dying. Paranoid people carrying weapons have been give carte blanche to commit murder. 

Whatever happened to antitrust laws?
Ahhh, America. The land of entepreneurship and capitalism in its infancy, now struggling to wade through huge multinational corporate control of more and more and more industries.

The latest one to be sullied by a patent lack of competition and total market dominance - cable. Not just cable, because cable isn't just cable anymore. They are the main providers of internet service and oh yeah by the way they are content providers too now.

This should bother you if it doesn't. I can promise you that.

Here's the thing, you guys.

We have antitrust laws for a reason. To encourage competition. To protect both consumers and the market from abuse of market share. To foster development and innovation.

Oh, but wait.

We don't need to be bothered with things like that anymore. Antitrust, schmantitrust. Chuck Schumer, Senate Democrat and member of the antitrust subcommittee supports the merger. Of course he does. Time Warner gave him more money than any other candidate the last time he ran in 2010 and his brother is in on the deal. 

We do elect them to do the bidding of huge corporations even if it hurts us and destroys competition, right???

She's baaaaaaack
The geniuses vying for the GOP spot on the presidential ticket have already pulled out all the stops in the campaign to destroy Hilary, but the most recent tactic even has Mitt Romney shaking his head. 

For serious. When Romney is all dude, you guys, that's not cool....maybe you should listen.

What could be so horribly bad that even he is defending Hilary?

Easy. Rand Paul has said that he's not above dragging out the Monica Lewinsky case to use against her in the election.

I wish I was kidding.

He's worse than a woman scorned bringing up the distant past, which oh yeah by the way, I'm fairly certain that Hilary had no part of. The affair was between Bill and Monica, not some bizarre Oval Office cigar laced three way.

AND EVEN IF IT WAS....why would that fucking matter? How many leaders of the GOP have cheated on their wives repeatedly? I don't think any of them have faced impeachment proceedings for it....

This is an old story that had nothing to do with Hilary, Rand. Get over yourself.

If you want to attack her, just talk about Benghazi 24/7. Oh wait....you already did that too.


Hi. My name is Rand Paul. I like to beat dead horses.

For the love.

Just a little racist bullying in the NFL, NBD
So, the case of Jonathan Martin and Richie Incognito and the Miami Dolphins is over and done with, right? Just a little razzing by well-meaning teammates, right? This happens all the time, right? Martin was totally fine with it all, right?

This is what the NFL is all about, right?

No.

All the forced apologies and shrugged shoulders and shucks, it's not so bad interviews from a while back were bullshit.

In the past week, the actual effect the bullying has on Jonathan has come to light through messages to and from his parents that were released. The guy, clearly a sensitive soul to begin with, was being crushed by the taunts and racial epithets thrown at him, they were eating away at his self worth and making him question whether he belonged in the league at all.

He fell rapidly into depression.

The messages are heartbreaking to say the least. You can read them all here. 

This is what bullying does to people.

THIS IS WHAT BULLYING DOES TO PEOPLE.

THIS IS WHAT BULLYING DOES TO ADULTS.

Imagine being a 13 or 14 year old kid and living through what he did or an 8 or 9 year old kid, then being encouraged to act like it wasn't a big deal, like it was all fine, and smile for photo ops with the guys who were tormenting you.

There is no gay agenda
The "gay agenda" was invented by conservative Christians, not by the LGBT community. That should tell you everything you need to know about it.

It seems that the closer we get to achieving any semblance of equality in this nation, the more threatened people on the fringes are. As a fierce advocate for equality myself, this bothers me in some ways but amuses me in others.

It amuses me because it often appears like a bunch of toddlers throwing a fit because they aren't getting their way, so they start to get desperate and become willing to do anything that will get them attention.

Marriage equality, along with protection against discrimination, isn't a tool being used to manipulate society, much to the dismay of those who want to insist that it is. It is a basic and fundamental human rights issue. No more, no less.

There is no agenda. There is no recruiting going on. This is not contagious.

Not a single LGBT person I know honestly gives a shit whether a total stranger likes them or not, whether they approve of their life or not.

They just want to be seen as equal human beings in the eyes of the law with all the same rights and protections. They want to be insulated from discrimination and inequality.

You'll never be able to make me understand how a person can say that someone else being treated as an equal in the eyes of the law is a threat to their way of life.

You'll never be able to explain to me the inconsistency inherent in a person who simultaneously claims that their religious freedom is being infringed while they actively suppress the freedoms of others on the precise religious grounds they claim are being infringed. It's a logical fallacy.

Ellen Page, Michael Sam. Their coming out in the last weeks has been news because it is news and it will remain news for as long as homophobia exists. Until LGBT people no longer feel compelled to come out, until they no longer have to declare who they are to the world, until they are just accepted as equals, until they are seen as equals under the law, it will be news.

No agenda. Just a fight for fairness.

Okay you guys, there is a lot to cover this week, so I won't bother with an introduction. Off we go.


News That Isn't News
Welcome to the USA, land of fluffy stories on television cleverly disguised as news. I won't say which network it is, but one of the locals has started running an ad that says something along the lines of bringing you the news that you want to see. 

Well. Um. That's not news. News is news, actual reporting of events and stories and relevance. It is the good, the bad and ugly, even if the people at home get uncomfortable. The role of the news isn't to make us happy, to keep us content and complacent, to tell us what we want to hear. It is supposed to provide us with information we can't get anywhere else.

Instead, these days, to get the actual news stories that are important, not just locally but on a global level, we have to actively seek it out. I can't count on the networks, any of them, to do solid objective reporting anymore. It seems that everything is spun and then either sugarcoated or sensationalized, depending on whether this news channel just wants to make us feel better or wants to get us riled up.

That isn't news. What the hell happened?

I shouldn't have to watch BBC to get real news.

The Biggest Loser Drama
I'll preface what I am about to say by telling you all (again) that I avoid almost every reality show currently being produced. I like writing and scripts and can't stand the genre of reality shows for the most part. The Biggest Loser has always been my least favorite of them all for the simple fact that weight shouldn't be a game show.

We have a nation with issues when it comes to weight and nutrition and exercise at both ends of the spectrum. Rising obesity rates, recess and physical education being cut at school, increasing rates of preventable disease on one hand, eating disorders on the other. I've been on both ends. It's not fun either way, let me tell you.

The show, in my opinion, has always sent the wrong message. It shames the obese, embarrasses them on public television, tempts them with bountiful spreads of unhealthy food, forces them to workout for hours on end, then weighs them weekly to see whether they get to stay on the show or not. It's sick, honestly, and gives people the wrong idea about what healthy weight loss is supposed to be like. Most people don't have staffs preparing food, have personal trainers screaming at them, have entire teams rooting for or against them or are subjected to weekly humiliation.

Granted, contestants sign up for it, but most of them do it out of desperation having tried to lose the weight for years. That isn't exactly my definition of total consent. But I digress. I hate the show. But that isn't why I'm talking about it. I'm talking about it because of Rachel Frederickson, you know, the contestant who lost "too" much according to most of the commentary out there.


Here's the thing, America...isn't she exactly what the show is supposed to hold out as the example? If we are going to be pissed about people judging her when she was 260 pounds, then we can't hate on her when she is 105 either. Is she healthy now? Was she healthy then? I don't know, and quite honestly it is none of my business. I'm not her doctor. I'm not her.

We should be worrying about one thing when it comes to diet and exercise: health. When I say that we should be worrying about health, that includes mental health as well. Along those lines, we should recognize the truth that far more people in this country tie their value as human beings to the number on that scale and shows like this one only feed that beast, and that's not healthy at all, regardless of what the number is.

Leave her alone. While you are at it, leave the fat people alone too. Seriously.

The Worst Parents Ever?
You guys know that I'm not one for judging other people. I literally spend time every day reminding myself not to do it. Then a case like this one floats past my eyes online and I can't fight it anymore.

Alexa Linbloom died after being removed from life support last month. Her cause of death was acute water/fluid intoxication. She was five, and had been forced by her father and stepmother to consume more than two liters of grape soda and water in less than two hours as a punishment for taking her stepmother's soda.

Her body, literally, couldn't hold all the fluid. Her brain swelled too much and she died. They have both been arrested and charged with first degree murder, neglect and abuse. 

The Racist Olympic Cauldron Lighter
Here's something super fun! Just kidding.

So, the woman who lit the cauldron for the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics is named Irina Rodnina. She's won the gold medal three times and is a member of the public chamber in Russia. She also tweeted this insanely racist picture of President Obama in September.


She removed it almost immediately, but never apologized, instead claiming freedom of speech.

Please tell me you are laughing ironically right now.

Because the freedom of speech absolutely protects writers there, or protesters, or anyone who has a public opinion about equal rights, or anyone who is fighting against oppression. (please tell me you know I am being sarcastic. Please.)

Speaking of Russia, there is so much about it that we are oblivious to here. A friend shared this post from a native Russian about how misguided the media is, obsessing about the conditions in the village but ignoring the real issues present every day for the people who live there. It is most definitely worth a read.

It'll Be News When An Athlete Comes Out Until It Isn't Anymore. Period.
Michael Sam came out in a press conference Sunday. The defensive lineman from the University of Missouri has entered into the NFL draft this year. He is set to be the first openly gay man drafted in the league.

Why is this news? Because it is. The NFL is one of the last bastions of homophobia in our society, one of the places where you aren't supposed to be gay, you aren't supposed to talk about it, and god forbid, you aren't supposed to bring it into the locker room. Gasp!

As soon as the news came out and stories started to roll out, the comments started to pour in.

"When will it be newsworthy that I am white and straight?"

"This is news why?"

"He needs to read the Bible. Being gay is a sin."

This is news because he's doing it when he doesn't have to, when many of the reporters and teammates already knew. He is taking a huge risk and a huge leap of faith with a statement like this publicly going into the draft, because like it or not, this will probably affect which teams want him now. It's news because he's the first one to go into the draft as an openly gay player. It's news because he is breaking down barriers.

It will stop being news when it's not news anymore.

It will stop being news when people of all sexual orientations are accepted and don't have to feel compelled to come out anymore.

It will stop being news when sexual orientation isn't used as a basis to discriminate against people or deny rights to them.

It will stop being news when people are judged on their abilities alone, not who they love.

It will stop being news when it's not news anymore, and not one second before that moment.

Deal with it.

Snaps.

You guys. There is a lot to cover this week, made infinitely more complicated by the fact that I'm not at all in the mood to rant and rage this morning. The reason? I wrote a post yesterday about Philip Seymour Hoffman. Well, it was sort of about him, but it was more about how he is just the most recent public face of addiction. The post quite literally wrote itself, and I put it up not having any idea what to expect.

It went viral. Unlike the last time I had a post do this, the response has been quieter. I haven't been dealing so much with random strangers yelling at me and telling me what I stupid asshole I am. I've had a few critical comments, all obviously from people who love someone with an addiction they can't kick. I expected far more people to tell me that I'm completely off base, but almost everyone has been grateful for my words. I've received a ton of messages from addicts, those in recovery, family members and friends who thanked me for getting it and for actually writing it down.

In light of that, I might be a little less edgy today. A little more soft around the edges. A lot more teary and emotional.

I'm super pissed at my douchebag neighbor, so I will channel that rage instead. He shoveled the street right in front of his house, throwing the snow into the middle of the street...where my car is currently stuck. Asshole.

Off we go.


Have a Coke and get over yourself
There is a commercial that Coke aired during the Superbowl featuring the song America the Beautiful sung first in English, then in several other languages, all spoken within the boundaries of this country. Then the internet exploded, full of outrage that our national anthem would be sung in foreign languages, full of vitriol towards Coke at their audacity to include anything but our national language, full of angry people frustrated that their country is full of  _________, _________ & ________. I'm not writing what people said on purpose. If you want to see the comments, they aren't hard to find.

Anyhow, here's the thing.

- America the Beautiful isn't our national anthem. The Star Spangled Banner is. *bangs head on wall*

- America the Beautiful was written by Katherine Lee Bates, who happens to be a lesbian who left the Republican party after being disgusted with the growing xenophobia in the party. *how do ya like them apples*

- There is no national language of the United States. Never has been. *bangs head on wall again*

- The US is a country composed almost entirely of immigrants. Europeans weren't the first ones here.

- If you want to get technical with a "we were here first so we get to decide what language everyone will speak", we should be speaking one of the indigenous languages spoken by the native population, not English.

I thought the commercial was beautiful. Diversity is a beautiful thing. I've never understood why it threatens people so much.


I believe Dylan Farrow and by the way, why is disbelieving her even a thing?
Dylan Farrow, the daughter of Mia Farrow, came forward and wrote, in her own words, about the sexual abuse she suffered as a child at the hands of Woody Allen.

Her story is disturbing to say the least, and one that has been the subject of lawsuits, media fodder and speculation for decades. She chastised Hollywood for celebrating this monster of a man and felt like it was finally time to share her story after being sickened by the praise lauded over him in recent weeks.

Allen's lawyers immediately took to the press denying her claims. It wasn't just his attorneys doing the denying though, as some celebrities had to throw their comments into the universe. The most mystifying one from Alec Baldwin, who seemed to discount her statement then simultaneously claim that it is no one's business when he tweeted this, "What the f&@% is wrong w u that u think we all need to b commenting on this family's personal struggle?"  Then again, he's not been known for tact or for treating his own children well, so we'll just chalk that up to the wonder of Alec.

I have to wonder why anyone doubts the validity of her story. The abuse allegations were part of a custody fight decades ago and are not new claims. Dylan stands to gain nothing from telling her story and yet people are doubting her. Why?

Why do we live in a society where we refuse to believe allegations of child molestation? Why do we care what a woman was wearing when she was raped? Why? 

I believe her. If you don't, you need to ask yourself why you don't. 

Throwing away food won't fix anything, nor will shaming kids who can't pay
Last week a story hit the news that made me so angry I couldn't even see straight. Lunch workers in an elementary school took lunches from children with account deficits and threw them in the trash before they could be eaten in front of the entire cafeteria. They claim it is district policy. People were outraged, and rightfully so, particularly since the food was already in the hands of the hungry kids and throwing it away was nothing more than a waste. The children were publicly shamed for financial issues that aren't within their control. 

The problem though is that this is not an isolated incident. School districts all over the country have rules like this in place, though some give more leeway to elementary student accounts. These were young children, not high schoolers, that had their food taken.

There is a story here locally that is similar, of a principal who was fired recently. She alleges that her firing was not because of lack of performance, but because she refused to comply with a district policy that required stamping the hands of children with negative lunch accounts. She did not want the children to be shamed.

The school claims she was not fired over the issue, but has stopped the stamping since she went public with the story.

What the hell is wrong with us? I wish that all these people making these policy decisions, all inevitably based on bottom lines and dollar signs, were forced to go without food for a few days before they voted. For some of these kids, school is the only place they are going to get a meal on any given day. For many of them, their parents are too ashamed to apply for free or reduced lunch programs. The answer isn't to starve the kids. That can't be ever be allowed to be the answer.

The bullying the media ignores
Just in the past few hours, some larger media outlets have begun to pick up the story of Michael Morones, an 11 year old boy who attempted suicide by hanging himself because he couldn't live with being bullied anymore. He is on life support in North Carolina, and it is feared that he may have permanent brain damage if he survives.

The reason he was being bullied? He is a Brony.

Is it possible that is also the reason the media isn't covering the story? I'd certainly make the argument it is. He attempted well over a week ago, and stories like his usually hit the news right away. This time though, crickets. I didn't even hear about it until a fellow blogger, Portrait of an Adoption, wrote about it earlier this week.

It hurts my heart to know that this little boy felt so helpless. It hurts my heart to see bullying in any form, to see children ridiculed for what they love, to see a society look the other way when the bullying is for something most people don't understand.

You can contribute to a fund set up in his honor here if you are interested.


My love and support to you and your family, Michael. All the Bronies and Pegasisters in the world are rooting for you right now.

I'm writing this while re-watching this week's episode of Sherlock, so I apologize in advance if it tempers my rage. It's hard to be angry when Benedict Cumberbatch is being all swoonworthy right in front of me.

I'll still try.


You guys....it's January, calm down
It's winter. In winter, it is cold. In winter, there are storms that bring snow with them. This is what happens. This year is particularly cold and snowy for parts of the country thanks to the wonder that is the polar vortex.

Still. It's January. It's winter. This happens every year, though perhaps not to this extreme.

I'm amused, to say the least, by the posts I'm seeing on Facebook. The parents pissed that school is canceled. The parents pissed that school isn't canceled. I'm amused because I don't work for a school district and don't have to put up with the emails and phone calls by all the pissed off parents.

Here's the thing.

The districts have to worry about safety first and foremost. They really aren't concerned with inconveniencing parents, honest. They have to worry about road conditions and whether the buses are equipped for winter driving. They have to worry about the kids who have to walk to school or to the bus stop. They have to especially worry about the kids that have to do those things but don't have coats or gloves. They have to worry about the required number of days in the school year. They have to worry about whether the school year will be extended into the summer, which would inevitably piss more people off.

This year, districts that never have to worry about any of this shit are having to worry about it.

Have we had snow days that were unnecessary? Of course. Have there been times that it should have been called and wasn't? Of course. There's no perfect way to interpret weather forecasts because of the simple fact that they aren't always accurate.

Give the districts a break. They are doing the best they can with the information they have.

The people who don't read, but comment on everything
This. So much this.

If you're going to take the time out of your day to ponder a response, type it out and wait for the shitpot to get stirred....for the love of all that is soft and fluffy in the world, read the goddamn article first.

This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves as a writer. I really and truly enjoy commentary and even criticism on what I write, but before you give me feedback that I will take to heart, you have to read what I actually wrote. You can't glance at a title or a picture or the comments being left by other people and know what I wrote. It doesn't work that way.

I deal in sarcasm here people.

Case in point, I wrote a piece for Lefty Pop about Justin Bieber yesterday. It wasn't even really about him so much as it was about the news networks running stories about him over actual news stories that are far more important. I had a picture of the Biebs in the story. Some people just saw that and jumped to conclusions. Head:Wall.

The people who believe whatever people tell them
This. So much this.

Maybe it's just been an off week for me, but I've seen a lot of people sharing fake news stories, sharing articles from satire sites as though they are real, sharing so-called facts that someone told them as though they are true at all.

Stop that.

Maybe I'm just the most skeptical person in the universe, but I fact check everything. I tend not to believe anything people tell me. I doubt most of what I read. I love Snopes. You should love Snopes too.

Chances are anymore that if something rubs you the wrong way, makes you overly happy, makes you overly pissed off...you should verify that information before you spread it all over the book of face. There's plenty of real stuff out there to outrage you, to make you happy, to disgust you...stop falling for the fake stuff.

The Gays Are Coming!!!!!
The weekly developments in the struggle for equal rights have taken some bizarre turns. Two weeks ago, a judge ruled that Oklahoma's ban on gay marriage violated the Constitution, so legislators there have taken the next logical step...they want to ban all marriage as a way to forbid gay marriage. If everyone can get married, then no one can.

I'm going to take my toys and go home, the 2014 elected grown-ass adult version.

On the Grammy's Sunday, during the performance of the song Same Love, 34 couples got married. 68 people who love each other pledged vows and exchanged rings in front of the world. It was beautiful. I was crying from here, feeling so many feelings at the same time, honored that I was able to see it.

Then the homophobes of the world had to chime in. I'm not including the screenshots of what they said for a reason. You can read them here if you want.

Congratulations to all the newlyweds.

“At some point in our lifetime, gay marriage won't be an issue, and everyone who stood against this civil right will look as outdated as George Wallace standing on the school steps keeping James Hood from entering the University of Alabama because he was black.” - George Clooney

Can't you just be Christian? Or quiet?
This story brought out my inner Luther. And reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend very familiar with this area of the country just last week, where she made many of the same observations.

There is a sixth grade teacher in a public school telling kids that the Bible is 100% truth, that evolution is impossible and that anyone who doesn't believe in God is "stupid". A Buddhist student in the class got fed up with this and told their parents. Parents went to the school district with complaints, where they were told by the Superintendent that "this is the Biblebelt", then given options.

The options?

Change to a school with "more Asians" or change their faith.

No, I'm not kidding.

The ACLU filed a lawsuit on behalf of the family.

From MMQB

“It’s your decision. If you do not feel comfortable drinking or cooking with this water then use bottled water. I’m not going to say absolutely, 100 percent that everything is safe, but what I can say is if you do not feel comfortable, don’t use it.”

Why hasn't the site of the spill, upstream from a major city, been subject to inspection since 1991?

Why are they telling pregnant women to drink bottled water for even longer than everyone else if it's so safe?

Hi. It's Tuesday. Against my desires, I'm in a bad mood today. I wanted to be in a good mood. I was in a good mood. Then people on the internet made me stabby.

Let's do this thing.


High fives self for remembering to use the logo! Go me!

The Substantial Burden Religious Exemption Opt Out ACA Birth Control Letter
Blargh.

I just got this. Yesterday.


I knew it was coming. Here's the quick and dirty on what you need to know.

1) ACA (aka Obamacare) mandates birth control coverage under all insurance plans starting now.
2) Religious organizations are fighting the mandate, stating that it conflicts with their religious beliefs.
3) Government says but what about beliefs of your employees, which may be different than yours?
4) Religious orgs file lawsuit.
5) ACA loophole created. Now religious orgs don't have to offer BC coverage directly, but do have to alert subscribers that there are other plans that will cover BC at no charge to them.
6) Religious orgs still pissed because they think that notifying us is a substantial burden on them, trying to get out of it entirely.
7) In the meantime, religious orgs send out letters like this one.
8) Now, burden on subscribers to sign up for supplemental FREE coverage to have BC paid for that is supposed to already be covered but isn't.

I stopped taking the pill....so this doesn't actually affect me now. But seriously? Them sending me a letter is a bigger burden than me having to go through the process of applying for supplemental coverage, getting a separate ID card, jumping through hoops and proclaiming to the world for all to hear that I'm flipping the bird to the religion's restrictions on my tingly parts?

Hey church....wanna know a secret???  I'm going to whisper this so that all these people can't hear it.

You know how you offer classes on, teach methods and encourage natural family planning as birth control in lieu of the pill or condoms or IUDs or whatever else??? Same deal. You're still condoning a way to avoid getting pregnant. Just instead of shaming women and calling them sinners like you do with the pill, you're saying it's totally legitimate.

Riddle me that.

Bullying - and not the kids in school kind
So Chris Christie shut down a bridge to retaliate against an entire city because he was honked off about the fact that the Democrat sitting in the mayor's office on the other side of the bridge didn't vocally support him. NBD right?

Sure. no big deal.

Unless you were one of the people who called 911 and the responders were delayed on the way to save your life.

Then, maybe, possibly...might be a big deal.

It's not just this though. I'm seeing it play out online every.goddamn.day anymore. People take things personally, even if it was not about them in the first place, then send other people out to take down whoever the offender was. Not just that person, but everyone associated. People can't just disagree, people can't just accept the fact that not everything is about them, people can't wrap their heads around the possibility that others are stirring the pot on purpose just to generate more hatred and animosity.

Slow your roll, people.

Step away from the keyboard.

Stop assuming that whatever other people write online is about you....because chances are that it isn't.

And for the love, stop accusing other people of bullying when you are doing the same damn thing.

What's a state got to do to get some press around here????
Did you know that like half the state of West Virginia's water is contaminated right now? For almost a week, people there have been told not just to avoid drinking the water, but to avoid bathing in it or cooking with it as well.

What the hell could be in it that it's that unsafe?

Chemicals used to wash coal, that's what.

The restrictions are being lifted now, but not after the people living in the area have been forced to use bottled water for everything for days on end. It wasn't really picked up as a major news story, and chances are that some of you reading this right now may not have even heard about it.

Now that the water has been deemed safe again, the story will quickly fade into the background.....but it shouldn't. No way in hell.

Think about it.

If there are chemicals being used that are THIS dangerous THIS close to water sources THIS close to large populations of people, isn't that a problem? Does that strike anyone as problematic?

Nah, we'll just go on like nothing happened because the energy corporation is the one who brings jobs to the area.

***bangs head on wall***

Why The Kelly Thomas Case Matters
Kelly Thomas was a man beaten to death by police, the entire event being captured on surveillance cameras. He was also a very disturbed, homeless, mentally ill person.

The officers involved were fired, charged with his death and acquitted yesterday. They may still be facing federal charges.

Here's why this case matters.

- The media is picking up on this one....why??? I'd make the argument that there's a very obvious reason, and it has nothing to do with Thomas' mental conditions....it has to do with his race. He was white. People of color have had to deal with profiling by the police for a very long time and have had cases like this one go to trial...but have had many more not even pursued. Then a white guy with a violent history who ran from the police was beaten to death and everyone stopped and listened.

- Thomas was homeless for a few reasons, most of which probably center on the fact that he struggled with mental illness. We do an atrociously bad job of caring for people with mental illness who have insurance and the means to seek help. What we do for those without insurance and who lack the ability to seek help is downright shameful. They fall through the cracks, end up on the street, end up in jail. The criminal justice system is not equipped to manage mental health patients, but it has essentially become society's dumping ground for them...assuming they make it into custody without dying.

- The authorities absolutely need to be trained better to deal with people like him. They need to be educated on signs and symptoms of different mental conditions, be taught how to deal with potential suspects who may have those problems and be taught safe ways to diffuse threats that don't involve putting on gloves and just telling the guy you're going to fuck him up (his words, not mine), then being shocked when he gets scared and runs, so you chase him down and he dies.

- Should they have been acquitted? I don't know. I'm not on the jury. I'm not privy to all the evidence in this case. Anymore, any case with shred of public interest is spun by any news media that picks it up, so it is virtually impossible to know what actually happened. Here, there is a video, though, and it certainly seems to have been a level of force both unnecessary and unreasonable. Having said that, I'm not about to make assumptions about whether the verdict here was the right one or wrong one. All I know is that this situation should have never existed in the first place. Thomas should never have been on the street in the first place. They should have been better equipped to deal with him. He should be alive and we shouldn't be talking about this. It is absolutely a tragedy, no argument there.

My cynical heart holds out hope that at some point we will do the right thing for the mental health crisis in this country. Either that or things like this will keep on happening.

I'm writing this mostly on Monday afternoon in the hopes that nothing new will come along and piss me off before tomorrow. So be cool, you guys...be cool.

I just finished an epic IM conversation with a friend from high school who is a lawyer like me and we basically figured out how to save the world.

Ready? I'm about to blow your minds.

Give every single adult a joint and a book. At the same time.

People would calm the f*ck down and maybe learn something. Maybe they'd be able to talk to each other and be reasonable and shit.

I don't know why I censored one but not the other, but it's that kind of day, dammit.

Now that I've dropped that knowledge on you, let's get on with the business of the day. I mean of yesterday. Whatever. You know what I mean.

Also.

I made this graphic almost two years ago when I started the TTPMOT series and keep forgetting to use it. Maybe if I put it here, I will remember. Maybe.


The Polar Vortex, what does it mean????
First things first. You have to say polar vortex like the double rainbow guy says double rainbow. What does it mean??? If you haven't seen double rainbow guy, here.


...and you're welcome.

Anyway, the polar vortex is this historically huge low pressure system that is sagging down and currently parked over the Eastern half of the US. Every time I see someone claim that the fact that it is really cold right now proves that global warming is a hoax, a fairy dies.

Okay, not really.

Fairies aren't real.

But seriously. I've seen more than a few claims of this pop up online, most notably by the climate change deniers. Which would make sense if you just thought that one storm could negate everything else going on in the world. Or if you didn't understand why the jet stream is all wonky right now, which is what caused this to happen. Or if you ignored the fact that even though it is summer at the South Pole right now, there is a research boat trapped in ice at the same time that it was 129 degrees in Australia. Which makes no sense.

It is happening, people. How much of it we have caused, how much we can do to stop it...not a damn clue. Everyone who has enough money to pay for research in the area has a dog in the fight, so the objective rational people of Earth can't get many straight answers.

In the meantime, stay warm, my friends. Unless you're in Australia. Then strip down to your unders and run in the sprinklers.

The Price of Ethics
Chris Kluwe is a punter in the NFL. Strike that.

Was a punter in the NFL.

He played for the Vikings until he was released in May of last year. He's been in the news before for his advocacy in support of the LGBT community, but that's not why he's in the news this time. He released a statement, an accusation actually, that he was released from the team not because he couldn't compete at that level anymore, he aged out, couldn't hold the position on merit, but because of his advocacy. 

I encourage you to go and read the statement in its entirety if you haven't done so already.

He's fully aware that there were consequences to what he said. He stands by his words, even though they very well may have cost him his career.

I admire him. I admire him a lot. There aren't many arenas in public life more often accused of rampant homophobia than professional sports, football being the worst of them here. It takes a hell of a lot of guts for a guy, a straight one at that, to stand up and say what he did. How many other players took and chance and stuck their necks out, stood with him?

Not many.

I've been fired before for sticking to my guns on ethical issues. I get it. Good on you, man. Good on you.

Tragic Deaths and The Misunderstandings After
There is a case right now that is troubling to say the least. As someone who worked at a hospital and primarily worked on ethics issues regarding perinatal mortality and morbidity, it hurts my soul to know that things like this still happen. As I doula, I cannot even begin to imagine the horror. As a mother, it brings me to my knees.

The details of this case are horrific, so if you can't handle them, please scroll down now.

I'm not kidding.

Last chance.

Honest.

Rachel Melancon was due on Christmas Day, pregnant with a little girl that she and her fiance had already named Olivia. Only 4'11", she was concerned about the delivery and had asked about an elective c-section, only to be told that wasn't an option. Days later, while in labor, and running a fever, Rachel tried to push out a baby that wasn't going to come out. Rachel's mother alleges the baby was face up, making labor and delivery even more difficult, and that the doctor tried to manually turn the baby.

After pushing wasn't doing the trick, the doctor took matters into his own hands and elected to use the forceps to help deliver the baby. The family claims they heard a loud pop. Still unable to deliver the baby, she was rushed to surgery. The baby's skull was fractured, her spinal cord severed. Olivia was not breathing and the otherwise healthy little girl died five days later.

Her parents are suing the hospital and the doctor.

What has happened is that the case, now garnering national attention, has been shared all over social media. It is horrible and tragic, yes, but it is not at all representative of standard obstetric practice in 2014 in the United States. Forceps deliveries are very rare here because of the risk of injury. Surgical birth is almost universally preferred to forceps. It seems, particularly in the facts of this case, to be a tragic example of provider negligence, though the courts will ultimately be the ones to determine that.

This case had nothing to do with insurance arguments, with Obamacare, with any of the other issues being tossed around in the comments of the posts people are sharing. This case had to do with a dangerous (and some would say outdated) method of assisting a delivery gone horribly wrong. Please don't turn this tragedy into a political argument.

Love and support to the family as they begin to mourn this heartbreaking loss.

What Do Commercials Say About Advertisers? What Do They Say About Us?
There are two new commercials out this week that made me contort my face into strange expressions and made me want to bang my head on the wall.

The first one, the Taco Bell commercial with the boy running down the street munching a giant nacho pocket thing while the girl's dad chases him.


Parents came home early! Oops.

Sooooo funny, right? Not so much. Let's just reinforce all those stereotypes about horny teenage boys and the girls that we need to protect them from, shall we? Let's make fathers look like crazed lunatics. Let's joke about a grown ass man putting a beat down on a kid (assuming of course that he can catch him...) Let's promote teen sex and make sure everyone knows that the perfect food for after the naughty sexy time is Taco Bell. Let's make sure that we air this as many times as possible during football games so that all the teenagers can see it over and over.

Who wants tacos now?

Mmmmmm. Tacos.

In all seriousness, I know a guy this happened to when we were stupid teenagers. Sans giant nacho pocket. Dad did not catch him or give him the subsequent beat down. But still.

Then you have the Old Spice commercial. I saw this one for the first time yesterday and was horrified. Literally.


So, fathers of daughters will hunt down their male suitors and mothers of sons are just batshit crazy.

Creepy and gross and weird and pathetic. I get that it's supposed to be funny and I'm not exactly ecstatic about the reality that my children will eventually all become adults, but I'm not going to turn into a stalker.

Can you smell that? It's manhood.

Take a deep whiff.

Normally, I love the Old Spice commercials, so I'm not sure what went so horribly wrong here. But eww. Like eww. Like totally eww.


You Have The Right To Self Defense, Unless You're Too Good At It
MMA fighter Joe Torrez was at home with his fiancee, his son and a friend on New Year's Day when he received a phone call threatening his life. The caller showed up shortly thereafter with three other guys. When Torrez's fiancee answered the door, they pushed her out of the way and promptly received a beat down, MMA style.

So much for that home invasion.

Torrez did such a good job defending himself and the others in his home that he stabbed and killed one of the assailants. One of the others was sent to the hospital with major facial injuries. The other two were scared into running, though they were tracked down by police eventually. Torrez suffered only very minor injuries himself.

Sounds like the good guy won, right?

Maybe, but Torrez may now be facing charges in the case.

All four assailants are known gang members and there had been previous altercations between them and Torrez, even before the phone call threat made earlier that day.

Makes you wonder....some people get away with shooting others in far less threatening circumstances. This guy took on four intruders to protect his family, did just that, and he might be on the hook for it?

Torrez stopped cooperating with the authorities.

Can't really say I blame the guy.

The Stories We Aren't Hearing
A teenage girl in India was gang raped not once, but twice. Before any of the suspects were even arrested in either case, she was set on fire by friends of the accused men.

She died last week as a result of the burn injuries. 

And you probably didn't hear anything about it.

Yes, it's disturbing. Yes, it's hard to hear and read about atrocities like this one. It's even worse when you realize how prevalent this kind of violence against women is all over the world.

Except that most people, in all likelihood, haven't heard much about it at all.

Our media filters more than most people realize. If you really want news these days, you've got to go looking for it.

If only we had a bunch of 24 hour news channels or something....

Oh. Wait.

Never mind.

Since this is the last edition of TTPMOT for 2013, and I didn't write one last week because I was busy with family and gratitude and holiday stuff, this one will be extra ranty. I hope you are wearing your big kid undies today.

Off we go.

Keeping People Alive When They Are Dead
There are two major stories in the news right now that involve patients being kept alive through the use of machines when they are very much dead. There are two ways to declare death, either through physical death of the body, cessation of the autonomic nervous system which regulates breathing, heart rate and so on or through the death of the brain.

The trouble is that it's usually pretty easy to tell when a person stops breathing, when their heart stops beating, but it's difficult to tell when a person experiences brain death. Brain death diagnoses are exceedingly rare and really only exist through the wonder of modern medicine. The patient is being kept alive through artificial means, which can include ventilators, intravenous fluids, enteral feeding tubes, medications and demands 24 hour care.

There is a difference between a comatose patient and one declared brain dead. For a brain death declaration to occur, the standard requires two independent medical doctors to perform thorough exams on the patient, testing for reflexes as well as reading brain activity tests. Comatose patients (and other patients with suppressed neurological function) have a chance of recovery, but someone who is brain dead has no chance.

Sorry for the long winded explanation, but it's important to this rant. I spent years studying bioethics and this is the kind of stuff that makes me crazy.

Anyhow, there are two people being kept alive, one against her wishes, in hospitals today. The first is Malise Munoz. 14 weeks pregnant, she suffered a pulmonary embolism at home in the middle of the night. She was rushed to the hospital, but doctors were not able to save her life. She was declared brain dead because of lack of oxygen. What doctors were able to do, though, is to keep her body alive, and therein lies the rub.

She was pregnant. She is pregnant. Even though she is legally dead, her body is being kept alive to incubate a baby that was barely past the first trimester at the time of her death. A baby that no hospital, no doctor would have ever attempted to save. The doctors aren't sure whether the baby suffered damage from oxygen deprivation, and it is too early to tell. Her husband wants her disconnected from life support. They had discussed life and death issues, but never wrote anything down formally. The state of Texas forbids removal of life support from a pregnant patient.

The doctors have said they will do more testing after the fetus reaches 24 weeks, but under Texas law that's past the acceptable time to perform an abortion. Letting her die would mean letting the baby die too. Her wishes and the wishes of her family have been deemed irrelevant. In the meantime, she is being kept alive to keep a baby alive that might be just as dead as she is.

As if that case isn't bad enough, there is a legal battle raging over the body of Jahi McMath, a 13 year old girl who died after a routine tonsillectomy in Northern California. Her body is still being kept alive, but she has been declared brain dead both by the doctors and the courts. Her family refuses to let her go, and they are in the process of trying to find a nursing home that will take her in.

The problem is that in order to transfer her, she needs a tracheotomy and a feeding tube put in permanently, and the hospital refuses to do it, saying that it goes against ethics to perform unnecessary procedures on the deceased. Even if the family can find a way to get the procedures performed, they have to get her body transferred which will require involvement of the coroner since she has legally been declared dead. Then you have to ask the question of who will pay to keep a dead girl alive.

I get it. I do. It's excruciating to see your baby lying in a bed. Hope is crippling when there is none. I can't imagine the heartbreak of a family being told that their child is dead. I've seen a few families unwilling to accept the conditions of their children in cases like this personally, and the outcome is always awful. Jahi isn't coming back, and keeping her hooked up to machines won't help her. The family seems to have grounds for a negligence suit because of the details of the case, and would have grounds as well for a wrongful death suit...but they have to let her go first.

Yesterday, the judge extended the order to prohibit the hospital from disconnecting life support until January 7th.

Privilege, Privilege Everywhere
From Justine Sacco and her tweet about how she won't get AIDS because she is white, to all the Duck Dynasty fans telling the gays and minorities to get over it (and WHY is everyone ignoring the fact that he thinks 15 is the best age to marry girls???), even to Ani DeFranco and the plantation concert that wasn't...it's becoming clearer and clearer in my head just how clueless people are about the power of privilege.

White privilege, male privilege, financial privilege, birth privilege, whatever privilege. It all gives whoever enjoys it (or them) some tacit benefits in our society. I don't labor under any delusion that the playing field can ever be completely leveled, but I also think it would do most people some good to recognize the fact that these privileges exist.

This is a subject that has been on my mind a lot lately, but I haven't really been able to formulate a coherent post about it. I'm waiting for my more articulate friends to go there. Then I read an article yesterday that was supposed to be about a woman fighting cancer and all the wonderful support she received, and I read it as something else entirely. It reeked of privilege.

If you so choose, you can read the article here.

As someone who has been to Cancer-ville, it stung. It stung a lot. It stung because what she describes as love in many instances isn't love at all, it's position, it's access, it's knowing the right people, it's privilege, it's wealth, it's luck.

It's as if to say that those who don't get their PET scans bumped fail to do so because they aren't loved enough. Those who die do so because they aren't loved enough. Those who get diagnosed and into treatment after long delays must then wait because they aren't loved enough. She was loved enough that she didn't have to.

I don't in any way intend to diminish the awfulness of her diagnosis, of her struggle. I don't fault her in the least for exploiting her access to save her own life. Where my issue lies is in the false way she presents it all. The fact that she is wholly oblivious to the real reasons she was treated the way she was.

My father wasn't diagnosed for months after he sought help. He died. It wasn't because he wasn't loved enough. It's not about love. Not at all.

It's been almost 28 years, but it's still too soon. It will always be too soon.
Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce....really?

She included audio recordings from the Challenger explosion in the song XO, which is about a troubled relationship. 

No, I'm not kidding.

Why would anyone think this is okay? Actual real people died in this tragedy. It's the one that sticks in my memory the most from my own childhood. Their families weren't consulted before the song was released, and Beyonce's reps aren't returning phone calls.


2013, GTFO
You weren't the worst year, but you had some spectacular train wreck moments. You were far from the best. You were supposed to be awesome, you were supposed to be this fabulous new beginning and you failed to live up to my expectations.

You took my mom. You scared the crap out of me. You made me ugly cry way too many times. You locked me in a perfectly good bathroom in a perfectly good grocery store. You broke my heart a few times. You stomped on it and squished it between your toes at least twice.

Don't let the door hit ya.

See y'all on the flip side.

It seems like I have just been shaking my head a lot lately.

A lot.

Do you ever look around, watch the news, talk to other people and wonder what the hell happened to the world?

It's Tuesday, time to be pissed.

Claire Davis, Caleb Medley and every other person shot in the head for no good reason
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm more sensitive to these shootings because I spent way too much time in a waiting room with the family of a guy shot in the head for no good reason. Maybe I'm hypersensitive to it all. Maybe I'm just being irrationally pissed that there is a beautiful 17 year old girl in a hospital not too far from here fighting for her life after being shot in the head with a shotgun at point blank range.

Have you seen what a gunshot can do to a head? Like....really seen it? I have.

Have you seen what a shotgun blast can do to a body? Like....really seen it? I have.

Shit you not.

In college, I studied/worked/volunteered at LAC+USC Medical Center. We had a LOT of gunshot victims come through, but the one that tends to stick in my memory banks the most was the patriarch of a family shot in the abdomen by a shotgun one Sunday afternoon. Trust me when I say that you really don't want to see what happens to a human body when a shotgun gets anywhere near it.

Last year, the day after the Aurora shooting, I ended up in a waiting room alongside Caleb Medley's family. He was the most seriously injured in the shooting that lived, and was shot in the head. His journey paralleled the one my friend who I was there to see was on for a long time, and still does in ways that most people can't understand or comprehend. Brain injuries of that magnitude are not something you just recover from. It changes everything. Permanently.

So, I've seen, in person, what a shotgun can do. I've seen, in person, what a gunshot to the head can do.

I cannot for the life of me fathom what a shotgun to the head can do.

There is a family that has to see that now. That has to live with it. That isn't sure if their daughter, Claire Davis, will live. If she lives, they have no idea what the rest of her life will be like, but the one guarantee is that it won't much resemble what it would have been before last week.

Perfectly good, perfectly innocent people, killed or maimed, for no damn reason.

In the days since this most recent shooting, there has been the struggle to find the motive, always more complicated when the perpetrator is dead. Just this morning, it's becoming clear that there is more to the story, there does appear to have been warning with this one, there does seem to be a history of direct threats, and even though the target wasn't hit, an innocent bystander was. There are those who rant about how we can't focus on the shooter because that gives them glory, but don't understand that doing so ignores the simple fact that we absolutely must try and figure out what motivates people to hurt others this way.

The gun arguments started within seconds of the news hitting, like they always do. The people standing on soapboxes screaming at each other about what they want, ignoring any valid point anyone else makes, yelling and circling back to the same points over and over and over again while nothing changes.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.

Based on that definition, I do believe the entire country has lost its damn mind.

Just because it is probably unconstitutional doesn't mean anything will change
In a totally unsurprising turn of events, a federal judge said yesterday that the NSA's pesky little habit of data mining domestic phone calls is indeed probably unconstitutional, not that there was ever really any question about it.

Now that it is seeming more and more likely that the courts will rule this direction, this particular case was limited in scope to only the plaintiffs involved....which is interesting to say the least. So the NSA can't legally collect your information, but they still do it, but you have no remedy unless you sue them.

Seems legit.

Not.

Essentially, the end point of this is simple. The federal government is just going to do whatever the hell they want, regardless of the actual rule of law. Constitution, schmonstitution.

I'll refrain from letting my Luther out in this here post, but I can assure you that there has been clapping, snapping and high kicks.


Oh yes, I have a Luther.

A few lucky people have been lucky to meet my Luther in person.

Well.....I think they should consider themselves lucky....

It's Your Fault Kanye is a Douche
No, really.

He does it for you.

He doesn't do any of this for him. Nope.

He's making the news more for his on-stage rants these days than anything else, and the most recent one is a doozy....I mean, aside from awesomely bizarre videos with a jiggling Kim who's hair defies the laws of physics.

It's just a shame that the industry is hell bent on holding him down.

Also...you should watch this.


The War on Christmas that isn't and other manufactured reasons to be pissed off
I don't even know where to begin.

Bear with me. This might be a little disjointed and rambling.

There isn't a war on Christmas. Honest.

Some people celebrate Santa. Some people celebrate the birth of Jesus. Some people celebrate winter solstice. Some people celebrate Hanukkah. Some people celebrate Kwanzaa. Some people celebrate Festivus. Some people don't celebrate anything. Why does what someone else celebrates or doesn't celebrate have to have anything to do with you?


No one is assaulting Christmas. Laws and court rulings that mean that other religions must be permitted to display in public spaces as well don't infringe on your Christmas rights. They just mean you have to scoot over a little and make some damn room for the other people.

You know, like a loving your neighbor thing.

Who said that, again?

Jesus.

I could talk about how all those claiming that their Christmas rights are being offended seem to have missed almost all of Jesus' teachings. I can promise you that he would have been way more concerned with feeding the starving and helping the ill and taking care of poor children than he ever would have been with whether first world people 2,000 years later got to celebrate his birthday as loudly as they want. This article does a fantastic job of that and you should go read it.

I could talk about how Jesus wasn't born on December 25th and not even in the winter at all. I could talk about how Christmas was banned for years in colonial America. I could talk about how Christmas trees are actually pagan. I could talk about how the celebration originated more as a winter solstice thing. I could talk about how St. Nicholas didn't really have much to do with Jesus. I could talk about how elves are a recent addition to the lore of Christmas. I could tell you that Santa could be purple and kids wouldn't give a shit as long as he brought gifts...and then tell you that basing Santa's whiteness on Jesus' whiteness is a flawed freaking argument because Jesus wasn't white. I could talk about how Jesus probably wouldn't care about your exterior illumination problems and would probably ask if you've donated to charity instead.

I could.

But then I'd probably offend someone.

Happy Festivus, y'all.