30 Days of Truth, Day 12 ~ Something You Never Get Compliments On

This is one of the more bizarre prompts in the challenge, because it forces you to not only think about something worthy of compliments, but something that you never actually get complimented on. So you have to be kickass at something all ninja-like so no one knows...or something like that.

The first time around, I actually did dig pretty deep on this one, because I wrote about how I have spent most of my lifetime actively suppressing my intelligence. I don't do that anymore. I'm a head case and I don't care who knows.

I've not been looking forward to this day in the challenge.


Day 12 ~ Something you never get compliments on

Before I begin, let me just say that I know why I don't get compliments on this one often. It's because I work pretty damn hard to make it look good.

My life is crazy. It's complicated. There are times that I have been hit with drama, tragedy, pain from every possible angle.

I learned to stop tempting fate by saying things like what else could go wrong a long time ago.

I've written about some of it, but not most of it.

As things spiraled out of control and I started to talk about what was going on with a few people, I learned pretty fast to keep most things close to the chest. It became obvious very quickly that most people couldn't handle what was going on with me, that it was too much. I learned, the hard way, that there is no benefit to confiding in someone if it backfires. I spent more time trying to make other people feel okay with the things that were happening to me than actually getting any cosmic benefit from telling them that I just stopped doing it.

I can count on one hand the number of people who know it all (or most of it). They will never know how much their unyielding friendship has meant to me these past few years.

They understand how hard I have worked to keep my shit together. They know that when I joke about how today was a good day because I didn't end up on the news or in jail that I'm not being even a little bit facetious. They know how much hell I have been through, how hard it has been for me to pick up and carry on and act like things are good. They know how hard it has been for me to create the illusion of stability. They know how much I want to just run away sometimes, how vengeance and anger could allow me to make some really bad choices if I let them, how the high road completely sucks but I force myself to walk it every day.

They know, this small handful of people.

Everyone else, not a clue.

They have no idea because I don't talk about most of it, and I refuse to let the free world in on it.

A few times, I have been accused of being melodramatic, always by someone who clearly doesn't know what I have been dealing with.

Sometimes I just let it roll off my back.

Sometimes I mutter things under my breath and smile.

Sometimes I sit them down and tell them.

They don't accuse me of being melodramatic anymore.

If being good at keeping your shit together is something worthy of compliments, I'd be deserving for sure...but since almost no one really has a clue, they wouldn't ever compliment me on it.

And that's just fine with me.